Disclaimer-blah dee blah. Enthralling, huh? These are humourous stories, you *will* laugh or die. Hmm choice one or two. I wonder which you are going to choose. If any of you are offended by my use of characters in these stories. Tough monkies. Ahahahaha! I am better, now, enjoy and don't send me any flames.
"Hello everyone, and welcome to Hollywood Anime Squares," Shayla Shayla announced, smiling as her teeth had that trademark announcer sparkle.
"Let's meet our panel, K?"
She turned away from the camera for a moment. "@*!&? those TV producers! Just because I lost that game of pettan to them doesn't mean that I had to be their @!$@#$@ announcer, but noooo, I'm under contract."
Stage crew person walks up to Shayla.
"Uh, Miss Shayla? The show."
"Oh, right," she said, plastering on a large fake smile and continuing with announcing the board. "First we have our lovely *producer* Moopi Coldberg."
Audience member, "Don't you mean Whoopi Goldberg?"
Shayla Shayla angrily, "Shhh! We don't want to get sued." Shayla proceeded to flame the insubordinate audience member to appease the TV production gods. (And again she continued...) "And next to Miss Coldberg we have Mr. Takema from 'Elf Princess Rane.' Say hello, Mr. Takema."
"Moogle snee snarf," he replied.
Shayla sweat dropped. "Right. Moving right along. On the other side of Moopi we have Chiaki from 'Zenki.' Say hello, Chiaki."
"I own a demon," she said with an odd smile.
Shayla's lower lip quivered. "They're all insane. Maybe I should announce the bottom row next. They don't look quite as odd," she thought desperately. Then outloud she said, "Now we have Miaka from 'Fushigi Yuugi.'"
"Hi!" Miaka said. A blank look inhabited her face. Then she murmured, "Tamahome."
Shayla's arm shook, she knew this annoying ditz from FY, and Oh how she wanted to flame her with her lantern of fire. She restrained herself.
"Next is Trunks from Dragon Ball Z/GT. Whatever," she said in a bored tone.
All of a sudden there was an uproar in the audience. All the female members were screaming and swooning. One lone audience member was even brave enough to charge at the squares and had to be restrained by security.
Shayla frantically announced the next person for fear that if she allowed Trunks to say anything, there would be blood. "Uh, Firia from Slayers is next to the aforementioned other guy."
"Hello," she said, unblinking. A cricket chirped.
"Yes, well. Now for the top row starting with Poche from 'Ninja Cadets'."
Bo-Bean came bounding out of nowhere and tackled him. Another security guard pried her off.
Bo-Bean hissed, "You I bite."
There was a loud crunching noise and a scream, which we can assume was the security guard.
Shayla was afraid to go on.
"Then we have Sasami from 'Tenchi Muyo'!"
"I can beat up bad peoples," she smiled.
"That's nice," Shayla said, close to tears of joy for she was almost done announcing the board. "Finally, we have Serena from 'Sailor Moon'."
Serena just giggled and bobbed her head in a 'ditzy blonde' sort of way. "Darien's all mine!" she cackled gleefully.
Shayla did a double take. She sounded like Miaka! Looked kinda like her, too. Come to think of it, so did Sasami and Chiaki. "Dear God! Firia's the only normal girl here, besides me and perhaps Moopi."
Just then, Firia flicked her tail which had a large pink bow on it. "On second thought..." She realized that she was drifting again. "Uh, next we have our contestants. First is Tasuki from FY."
Tasuki came bounding onto the stage and flashed his pearly whites. His name flashed up on his podium thingie. He noticed it in surprise. "Wow how $#% cool is this?" he mused, looking at it, the podium, in awe.
"I like him already," Shayla smiled. Then, clearing her throat, she said, "Then we have Xellos from Slayers.
"I don't like to wear underwear, it's too restrictive," he announced, strolling onto the stage. "It's bum to the breeze for this fellow."
Shayla's eye twitched, she shook it off. "Now that we've met *everybody* let's start."
"Yay!" the audience cheered in a monotone way.
"Let's start with you, Tasuki," Shayla said, batting her eyes at him.
He looked confused for a second, then he shrugged it off. "Since it's tradition, let's start with Moopi."
Shayla proceeded to read the question. "In 'Ninja Cadets', what is Matsuri most afraid of?"
Moopi just stared, unblinking. Shayla frowned. "Uh, Miss Coldberg, we need an answer." Silence. Shayla stomped over towards the panel. "Answer me, dammit!" she yelled. Still no answer. "Baka!" she cried flying up and whacking Moopi. She fell over, Shayla paled. "Who knew she was a card board cutout this entire time?" she mused after getting over the initial shock.
"My turn! My turn!" Xellos cried, bouncing around in his seat in excitement.
"Wait a !&%@^ second here, my turn isn't over yet you *^&$@!" Tasuki protested.
Xellos slapped a silencing spell on him. Then Xellos turned to Shayla and batted his eyes at her, similar to the way she had batted her eyes at Tasuki. She felt ill. "I choose you, Firia!"
Ash, out of nowhere, "Hey that's my line!"
"Shut up, pistachio boy!" Xellos said, glaring down at him.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ash demanded, reaching to his side for a pokéball.
"I have no idea. Now shoo, you bother me," Xellos said, making a shooing motion with his hand.
Surprisingly, Ash obeyed.
Firia glared at him. "Mazoku scum," she hissed.
"I love you too, honey," Xellos said, blowing her a kiss.
She shuddered.
Shayla cleared her throat loudly, to get their attention. "The question is, in 'Please Save My Earth', what was the god/goddess which was most referred to?"
Firia sighed, "Everybody knows that it's Sargelim."
Shayla turned to Xellos and raised an eyebrow.
"I agree completely," he said, winking at Firia.
Firia gagged, as did Shayla.
"That's correct, X gets the square."
"Thank God that's over," Firia sighed, wiping her brow.
"It's your turn Tasuki," Shayla said brightly.
He made noises, but he didn't say anything. Shayla gritted her teeth. "Mr. Xellos, would you *please* release Tasuki from your silence spell?"
Xellos nodded happily and released Tasuki.
After he gave Xellos the middle finger, Tasuki said, "I'll take Miaka."
"But I love Tamahome," she said defensively.
"I didn't mean it like THAT!" Tasuki blushed furiously and began to curse under his breath.
Shayla rubbed her temples. She REALLY wanted to off Miaka. "The next question is, in 'Card Captor Sakura', what is the first and only card Sakura is left with after the others blow away?"
"Uh, Tamahome?" Miaka said blinking, there was that blank expression again.
"No Miaka, The question. Answer the stupid question," Shayla said banging her head on the podim.
"Oh, uh, Windy?" she said, picking her nose. "Oh! I think I hit my brain," she said, falling over.
"I disagree," Tasuki said confidently.
"Uh, I'm sorry that's incorrect," Shayla said, blushing. "Miaka was right, the answer is Windy."
"What the (*^$? That bimbo was right?" Tasuki bared his fanges. "But that $#@$ is never right."
A guard came in and shoved a needle into Tasuki's arm, sedating him instantly. Tasuki fell over and began snoring.
"I'll take Sasami next," Xellos announced merrily.
Shayla frowned, "But if you take Trunks next and get the question right you'll win the game."
Xellos stared at her as if she were crazy. "I'm sorry Shayla, I'm not like that," he said stoically.
She looked peeved. "Stop staring at me like I'm a frickin' piece of meat or somethin'. Here, I'll read the damn question already. In Ranma 1/2, who is the vindictive youth who seeks revenge on Happosai for his odd name?"
Sasami smiled, "If you want me to, I can do a dance for you."
"No, I don't want you to dance," Shayla sighed.
"Oh, ok, the answer is, uh, Ranma Hibiki," she giggled in a rather disturbing manner.
Xellos also began to giggle.
Shayla looked a mite disgruntled, "So do you agree or disagree?"
Xellos smiled slyly "That's a secret."
Shayla lunged at him, then gripping him by his shirt collar she growled, "Yes or no?"
"Yesh," he said, kissing Shayla on the cheek.
She sputtered angrily. "No, the correct answer is Pantyhose Tarou. O gets the square."
Shayla's nerves were frayed. She looked over at Tasuki. He was still snoring away. "Get the jumpers," she said, smiling fiendishly. She stood over him, a devilish smile was plastered on her face. She held a jumper in each hand. Electricity crackled between them. "Clear!" she shouted, putting them on Tasuki's chest. He jolted awake as he saw the jumpers bearing down on him again.
He grabbed his tessen quickly and cried "Lekka Shien!"
Shayla dropped the jumpers. "You can throw fire, too?" she said, forgetting her frayed nerves. Now her heart was beating quickly.
"Uh, I guess you could say that," he said scratching his head thoughtfully.
"It's your—" Shayla began.
"Hey, I got a square!" Tasuki said merrily, noticing this for the first time.
"Yeah," Shayla said, "And now it's your turn."
Okay, I'll take Trunks for the block," Tasuki said, biting his finger on his thumb with the shape of an L on his forehead.
"The question is, in 'Battle Athletes', what is Anna's little secret?"
(Note: This is a spoiler)
Trunks flicked a stray hair out of his face, causing a few girls to faint. "The answer is that Anna is really a boy."
"I agree," Tasuki said, shaking slightly as all of the girls in the audience began screaming and hurling chairs around. this was due to the lulling sound of Trunks' sexy voice. When it quieted down, Shayla said "That's absolutely right! O gets the square!"
"Xellos, it's your turn," Shayla said.
"I'll take Poche for the block," Xellos said, leaning back.
"You're not blocking anybody, in fact, oh, never mind," Shayla sighed.
"Oh, in that case," Xellos said thoughtfully, "I'll take Poche... as my bride!"
Poche cried out in fright as Xellos floated towards him. Somewhere, a Bo-Bean had fallen down, dead. Now clap your hands... Oh, never mind. Security restrained Xellos from a very shaken up Poche.
Shayla grunted, she was growing acccustomed to such antics. She then began the question, "In 'Ruin Explorers', what is Fam?"
Poche thought for a bit. "Uh, an imp?"
"I agree," Xellos said, looking at Poche lovingly.
"No, the correct answer is wicken. O gets the—" Shayla started.
Bo-Bean came flying out of nowhere, her specialty, and landed near Shayla. "Poche is never wrong," she snarled.
"But he is *this* time" Shayla said in annoyance.
Bo-Bean bit her. *Crunch*
"Ow, you little shit. You broke my shoulder!" Shayla said in utter horror.
"Who is never wrong?" Bo-Bean asked, clicking her teeth together.
(Next scene)
"Due to a technical error, it was found that Poche is right, and X gets the square," Shayla said, watching Bo-Bean uneasily.
She waved merrily to Shayla from her seat in the audience.
"Tasuki?" she said, hoping he knew what she meant. She squinted, he wasn't standing behind his podium. He was squatting in front of his podium, wondering in awe at his name written on it.
He turned to Shayla slightly. "Why don't we get buzzers?"
"Because this isn't Jeopardy," she said, digging her nails, the hand without the broken shoulder, into the podium.
"Choose your person," she seethed.
"Uh, the purple-haired girl," he said, reluctantly returning to his spot behind the podium.
"He could have blocked Xellos' move by choosing Mr. Takema," Shayla thought, finding it very hard to keep from going mad from the stupidity of everyone in this game. "The question is, what game did Shayla Shayla lose which made her announcer for this game?" Shayla blushed. "I hardly find this a relevant question."
Chiaki answered anyway. "Ping Pong?"
"I disagree," said Tasuki, crossing his arms.
Suddenly, Zenki came flying into Chiaki's square an proceeded to eat her "freshly butchered liver."
Shayla looked grossed out. Xellos looked intrigued. "Can I do that to you, too?" he asked, staring at Shayla and pointing to Zenki.
"No, and O gets the square," Shayla said, looking quite ill. "Speaking of which, it's your turn, Xellos."
"I'll take Serena," he said smiling and looking quite happy with himself.
"The question is, in Ursei Yatsura's Beautiful Dreamer, who is the first person to get abducted?" Shayla asked.
Serena blinked. "Darien?"
"I agree." Xellos said, folding his hands over his now plump stomach.
A large vein popped out on Shayla's head. "No, O gets the square."
Jedite popped out from behind Serena. "Guess who got unfrozen?" he cackled pulling her slowly into the darkness until both of them disappeared.
Xellos opened his mouth to say something, but Shayla told him, "No," before he could speak. "Tasuki it's your turn, the last person there is, is Mr. Takema. The last question is: In 'Phantom Quest Corp.' what does Ayaka tell Karino to get her from the grocery store during the episode 'Kiss of Fire'?"
Mr.Takema crossed his legs and leaned back. "Nada de cocoa."
"I disagree with jibberish boy," Tasuki said, looking quite smug.
"Actually that answer is correct," Shayla said, looking quite surprised herself. "Which means Xellos has won the game."
"Hooray for me!" Xellos said, hanging from the ceiling by his pants and clapping wildly.
Shayla sweatdropped again and said, "I'm not even gonna ask how you managed to do that, but as crazy as you are I figure you'd be happy with this prize."
Xellos disentangled his pants from the ceiling and floated down to Shayla, "Oh what is it?" he asked.
She tossed him a squeaky toy in the shape of a duck. She then grabbed Tasuki and said, "Hey wanna go out for some coffee?"
"Sure," he said trotting after her.
She smiled slightly to herself, "And maybe tonight we can *heat* things up."
They left a very happy Xellos chewing on his squeaky duckie.