Narrator A: ……..…Uh… How does the story go?
Narrator B: Are we doing the real deal or the corrupt version?
Narrator A: Does it matter? XD
Narrator B: Well. Okay, three pigs leave home to build themselves houses. One builds a straw house, one outta wood, one outta brick.

Piggy Gabe: Oink! ^^
Piggy Seamy: Oink! ^^
Piggy Gav: … I refuse to oink.
Piggy Seamy: Oh come on, Piggy Gav, get with the program!
Piggy Gabe: *goes around oinking, then challenges Piggy Seamy to an oinking contest*

Piggies Gabe + Seamy: OINK OINK OINK OINK!!!

Narrator A: …..Well, at least they’re getting well into character…. ~_~
Narrator B: With their houses all built, the first piggy is doing whatever piggies do when up comes the wolf.

Piggy Gav: *polishes his piggy hoof friendly sniper rifle, getting ready to have bacon for dinner*

Narrator A: Ew, piggy Gav! Pigs eating pigs? That’s cannibalism!
Narrator B: Cue piggy scurrying into his house. The wolf says, “Come out ickle piggy….” And the piggy says, “No! Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!

Piggy Seamy: … Hey, I may not brush my hair but I do shave!

Narrator B: And the wolf says, “Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house down!”

Piggy Seamy: ..... He’ll “blow” me down? *perverse giggle*
Piggy Gav: *shoots piggy Seamy in his little piggy leg*

Narrator B: And so the wolf blows his house down!

Piggy Seamy: OOWWW! GODDAMIT GAV NOW I'M BLEEDING ALL OVER MYSELF!!! AND NOW THE WOLF BLEW MY FUGGIN’ HOUSE DOWN!!!
Piggy Gabe: *giggles at Piggy Seamy*

Narrator B: And so Piggy Seamy, now homeless, runs away screaming to the wooden house.

Piggy Seamy: Yo, Gabe, my house got crashed, can I stay wif you?
Piggy Gabe: Only if you'll give me something in return, Piggy Seamy.

Narrator B: Piggies stay together in the cozy ickle house ’til the wolf comes and pulls the same jig.

Piggy Seamy: .... Ew.... ewwwww, Narrator, Piggy Gabe is giving me weird looks.

Narrator B: ........ I love bacon …… Er, sorry Seamy, what was that?
 

Piggy Seamy: Fine. Here. My finest collection of naked Piggy Gav pics. Be careful with these; they’ve got a street price of at least 5000 bucks each.
Piggy Gabe: Deal. You can sleep in the sink.
Piggy Seamy: ... I gave up my Gavin pics for the sink?!!?!

Narrator B: Okay. Wolfy comes and...... ‘blows’ Gabe’s house down too, with the same huff and chin routine.

Piggy Gabe: ..... What?
Piggy Seamy: What?! You suck, Gabe, your house got blown down!
Piggy Gabe: .... Which means....... *griiiins*
Piggy Seamy: What? WHAT?! .... We don't have a place to stay anymore and .... OOOOOH!!! HEY!! *grins*

Piggy Seamy + Piggy Gabe: GAAAVVVIIIINNN ~

Narrator B: The two of them run off to Gav’s pad. The brick place.

Piggy Gav: .......... I think I'll go sleep in my office.

Narrator B: Gav lets em in, and the three stay and ... do whatever piggies do in their spare time.

Piggy Gav: Hey, it’s my house, I have the right to choose who can and cannot stay.
Piggy Seamy: *whines* But that’s not how the story goes!
Narrator B: Buck up, Gav. You’ve got no choice.

Piggy Gav: I don’t give a flying fuck about the story! They’re not sleeping in my house! *tries to stomp Piggy Seamy to death with his li’l piggy hooves*

Piggy Seamy: Aah ~ gaah ~ help, Gavin is trying to kill me by means of footsie!

Narrator B: Well, anyway, by hook or by crook, they all end up in Gav’s house.

Piggy Gabe: I wanna sleep in piggy Gav’s bed!
Piggy Seamy: No, I’m sleeping in Gav’s bed!
Piggy Gabe: I’ll oink you for it.
Piggy Seamy: You’re on.
Piggies Gabe + Seamy: OINK OINK OINK OINK!!!!

Piggy Gav: *wishes he were dead*

Piggies Seamy + Gabe: OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK!!!!!!!!
Piggy Gav: STOP OINKING!!!!

Narrator B: .…………. Anyway, the wolf shows up, with the huffing schpiel.

Piggy Gabe: HA! I out oinked you, Seigen!
Piggy Seamy: No you didn’t!!!
Piggy Gabe: Did too!
Piggy Seamy: Did not!
Piggy Gabe: Did too!
Piggy Gav: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Narrator B: ..... Though I doubt the wolf could be heard over the oinks. -_-;

Piggy Seamy: Hey guys, look, it’s the wolf.

Wolfy Zenki: ..………………….WHY AM I THE WOLF?!?! I DON’T WANT TO BE THE WOLF!!!

Narrator A: ..... Would you rather be a pig, Zenki?
Wolfy Zenki: ..……………………..
Narrator B: Okies. Zenki, you get to try your very best to blow the house down. Give it a go. Piggies, you get to mock the stupid Zenki.

Wolfy Zenki: What kind of retard tries to blow down a house?
Narrator B: You do.
Wolfy Zenki: …….

Piggy Gabe: Na na!! You can’t blow us down! Na naa!!!
Piggy Seamy: Kiss my hairy li’l piggy butt, wolf!
Piggy Gav: ....................

Narrator B: Meanwhile, the smart piggy..…. (Gav)
Piggy Seamy: Hey! HEEY!
Narrator B: …
Piggy Seamy: Restate who has the higher IQ here, Narrator, or I’ll… I’ll… I’ll beat you to death with this stick.
Narrator B: The smart piggy, that would be Gav, puts a niiice big pot of water on the fire. And may I remind you, dumbass, you built your living space out of grass?
Narrator A: Yah. Be a good little pig and go back to taunting Zenki, like Gabe.

Piggy Gav: *boils water like a good little piggy*
Piggy Gabe: *having too much fun taunting the wolf*
Wolfy Zenki: *trying to jump through the window to eat Gabe’s piggy ass*
Piggy Seamy: Woah, someone wants to eat Gabe’s ass?!?

Narrator B: ………… Anyways!!! The wolf realizes it’s ... kinda stupid to try to blow down bricks.

Wolfy Zenki: Didn’t I say that already?
Narrator B: But see, in the story, you’re even slower than you are in reality.
Wolfy Zenki: I don’t like this story.
Narrator B: Deal with it, babe.
Piggy Gabe: TOUGH! NA NANAAANA ~
Wolfy Zenki: *snarls* and I really really REALLY don't like him!!!

Narrator B: ... Anyways, you figure the only way you get to eat those blessed pigs is to climb down the chimney.
Wolfy Zenki: ... Whaaat?!? Can’t I just run down the door?!?
Narrator B: Because the not-as-smart-as-Gav pig (Seamy) has fixed the door up nice.
Piggy Seamy: Oh, thank you, really. *glares* If I weren’t so pink and chubby I’d attempt to fight back.
Wolfy Zenki: But it’s right there! I don’t have to climb!
Narrator B: Er, just do it.
Wolfy Zenki: *mumbles and grumbles and climbs up the chimney*

Narrator B: Now, lucky for the stupid pigs... (Gabe and Seamy)

Piggy Seamy: That’s STUPID PIG as in SINGULAR as in NOT PLURAL as in THERE’S ONLY ONE DUMB PIG here.

Narrator B: … Okay, lucky for the semi-smart pig (Gabe) and the stupid pig (Seamy)...

Piggy Seamy: LEMME AT HER! LEMME AT HER!!!
Piggy Gav: …. ~_~; *holds piggy Seamy back*

Wolfy Zenki: *sits on the chimney* Now what.
Narrator B: Climb DOWN the chimney.
Wolfy Zenki: …. No. Fucking. Way.
Narrator B: You can do it. I know you can. We believe in you. … Exie’s down there.

Wolfy Zenki: …… *JUMPS INTO THE CHIMNEY* ~~

Narrator B: ... Lucky for them, the SMART pig (THAT’S GAV!!) was boiling water, and poor ickle Wolfie fell right in and scalded his white ass.

Wolfy Zenki: *KER-SPLAAAAAASH!!!!* HOLY MOTHER OF @*#(@*&!!!! OWWWW!!! $!@#$%^&#* %$!!!!!

Piggy Gabe + Piggy Seamy: *points and laugh!!*
Narrator B: Wolfy runs yelping right up the chimney, and is never seen again!

Piggy Gav: *was standing too close to the fireplace and got splashed with water all over*

Narrator B: ... Okay. That was dumb. You’re demoted. Seamy, you can take his place as the smart one.
Piggy Gabe: Want me to lick it better?
Piggy Seamy: WOO-HOO!!! I’M THE SMART PIG! *does the smart pig dance*
Narrator B: ....... ~_~

Narrator A: And thus, the story ends with Gabe attempting to lick Gavin’s burn wounds, Seamy dancing, and Zenki icing off his ass? … Wooo, that sounds wrong…
Narrator B: Now I really wanna tell the gory version!

Piggy Gabe: *looks up* Gory version? 8D
Narrator B: Aye!
Piggy Gabe: Can I be Psycho Gabe for that? 8D
Narrator B: … No, babe. But there is plenty of blood, for a kiddie tale.
Piggy Gabe: .......... *looks like he’s gonna cry*
Narrator B: ..……. Uhh.

Piggy Seamy: There, there, Piggy Gabe. Here, have a nude Gavin pic.
Piggy Gav: HEY!! WHERE’D YOU GET THAT?!?! O_O
Piggy Seamy: Ah, the powers of piggy technology. ^_^
Narrator B: This is insane. INSANE!

Wolfy Zenki: My ass really hurts.
Piggy Seamy: .... Thank you, Zenki, we really needed to know that.
Narrator B: ... Vital information to our daily lives, to be sure.

Piggy Gav: Can I go now?
Narrator A: But you haven’t heard the story yet!
Piggy Gav: I don’t want to.

Narrator B: ... Okay, rewind to the whole gang *cough* getting together, if you will, at Smart Pig Gavin’s nice big house.

Piggy Gabe: So do I get to be Psycho Gabe????
Narrator B: ... Uuuh. Suuuuuure.
Piggy Gabe: Woo-hoo! *changes gears*

Narrator B: Up comes the wolf.
Piggy Seamy: OH, COME ON! I DON’T WANT PSYCHO GABE!

Psycho Piggy Gabe: *all quiet and calm with eerie smile*
Piggy Seamy: !!!!!!! Save me, Gavin, save me!! *Hides behind Piggy Gav*

Psycho Piggy Gabe: … I've stopped questioning the reasons behind the infidelity involved in your actions, Seigen.

Piggy Seamy: See!! He’s talking like that again!!!!!

Narrator B: Now, Gabe. No scaring the Seamus piggy.
Psycho Piggy Gabe: Very well. I shall just shoot him instead. *gets out his little piggy revolver and starts shooting at Piggy Seamy*
Piggy Seamy: *HIGH PITCHED PIGGY SQUEAL!!* GAAAVIN! HE’S SHOOTING AT MEE!!! *climbs all over Piggy Gav*

Narrator B: *ignores* Anyway, wolf shows up and realizes it’s totally futile to try and blow down a house. I mean, for Christ’s sake, the damn thing’s brick.

Wolfy Zenki: Again, something I already mentioned in the LAST STORY!
Narrator B: Okay, Zenki, you whip out your trusty cell and give Li’l Red Riding Hood a ring. She’s known throughout the land as the greatest faery tale exterminator.
Wolfy Zenki: ..... Little Red Riding Hood? Isn’t that another story? And what makes you think I’d have a cell phone?!

Piggy Gav: Seamus, get off my head. Now.
Piggy Seamy: No, see, if I’m covering your pretty face, Gabe won’t shoot! >=D
Psycho Piggy Gabe: .... *grits his teeth and slowly lowers his revolver*

Narrator B: Here’s a cell phone. Seeing as you’re so incapable, I’ll call for you. *dials, hands him the phone*
Wolfy Zenki: ...... Hello... o.o?

Narrator B: So Ms. Riding Hood comes over in her nifty chopper and kills the pigs. Slaughters them brutally, I might add.

Piggies Samy + Gabe + Psycho Gav: WHAT?!
Narrator B: *laughs insanely*

Piggy Seamy: I don’t THINK SO!
Piggy Gabe: Red Riding Hood, huh? *grins insanely and re-loads his gun*
Piggy Gav: I’ve been waiting to use this thing.... *gets out his newly polished sniper rifle*

Narrator B: .….. o.O
Narrator A: ....... Hm. These piggies are gonna be hard to slaughter.
Narrator B: ..... So it seems.

Narrator B: ... *Blows up the house!!!!*

Wolfy Zenki: Hello?! Hello!?? Who is this??!
Narrator A: ........ They hung up a long time ago, Zenki.
Wolfy Zenki: .... Oh. *closes phone* I knew that.

Narrator A: Heeey, you blew the piggies up!
Narrator B: That was the intent. When Riding Hood realizes wolf has nothing with which to pay her... she kills him and takes his pelt as payment!

Narrator A: *watches little piggy parts fly everywhere* ... Oh, there goes Gav’s leg..... Hm, I think that’s Seamy's ear....
Narrator B: ........ o.O *starts to feel bad*...
Narrator A: Gah, Gabe’s head!! o.O

Psycho Piggy Gabe’s head: You’ll pay for this.

Narrator B: ... Crap, now they’re so mangled I can’t even eat them. ~_~
Psycho Piggy Gabe’s head: *attempts to bite off Meli’s foot*
Narrator A: EEEH! KICK IT, KICK IT AWAY!
Narrator B: ...... o.O *kicks*…..... And thus, football was born.

Psycho Piggy Gabe’s head: You’ll pay for thiiiiiiiiiiss ~ *flies into the forest*

Narrator A: *makes little graves for Piggy Gav and Piggy Seamy* Now, if only we could find enough parts to bury them.
Narrator B: Er, the narrator feels bad, so she resurrects Piggies Seamy and Gav!

Piggy Seamy: Woah. That was weird.
Piggy Gav: ... *unamused*

Narrator B: .... Aah. The power of ... narratorness.

Piggy Seamy: It was like... I got blown up into a million pieces! Wait, I was blown up into a million pieces!
Narrator B: ... Intelligent, ain’t he?

Piggy Gav: That’s it. I quit. I’m not doing this anymore...*starts to walk away but trips over Piggy Gabe’s headless carcass*
Piggy Seamy: *giggles at Piggy Gav*
Piggy Gav: Not funny. *makes a mailbox out of piggy Gabe’s headless carcass*
Piggy Seamy: ..…….. Very nice there, Gav. Now we all know what you do on your spare time — watch Martha Stewart.

Piggy Gav: …*feels proud of his mailbox*
Narrator A: … Ew, Gavin. Ew.
Narrator B: Well, now we all know who got A’s in Home Ec… *eyes Gav*

Piggy Gav: I don’t care what you say. I like my mailbox. I think it says a lot about my character.
Narrator A: ..... That you’re nuts? o.O
Piggy Gav: No! That I’m resourceful, moron.
Narrator B: Now you gotta rig his arm to go up when there’s mail!....... Wait….. that’s....... disgusting.
Piggy Gav: Hn. Good idea.
Piggy Seamy: YAH! Dude, I want a Gabe carcass mailbox now, too!

Narrator B: .... And now, we learn how strange things like Pokémon make big money.  Market it, Gav! You’ll make millions!

Piggy Gav: You know, I think I will…..
 
 

Meli: ... You were gonna write a story outta this shit?
Elma: I was. But I think I’m just gonna use this and save myself the trouble.