*Click*
Hey there. I’m doing one of four things right now. Either I’m working
on my Hamlet project for school, researching the War in the Heavens
for the ending of “My Girl,” procrastinating by reading yaoi “Gundam” fanfiction,
or I’m just pretending to do one of those things so that I can ignore you
a little longer. Leave a message after the beep, Taisa, and I’ll
get back to you when I know you don’t want me to do something for you.
*Beep*
OH MY GOD!! I just read the first chapter of “Voice Mail!” It’s
great, and I can hardly wait for more!
*Beep*
Your new message is cute, by the way. Haw-haw, real laughs here. Very
funny.
*Beep*
You know what’ll be even funnier? The next chapter of “Voice Mail!”
I hope you’re working on it, and that’s why you’re not answering.
*Beep*
Hey, it’s been an hour now. Have you got your cell set on vibrate or
something? Yah, I do that sometimes, and then I call my cell phone over
and over again while I’ve got it inside my— *OOF* OUCH! HEY, GIMME BACK
MY———
*Beep*
Stupid B-chan. Right when I was about to get to the good part. But that’s
not why I called. I’ve got questions about “Voice Mail,” and if you’re
not going to write the next chapter soon, then I want you to call me and
just tell me what happens, okay? So call back as soon as you hear this.
*Beep*
Just so you’re ready, I figure I should ask the questions now, so you can think about them before you call back. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to call me back immediately after you hear this, okay?
Yah, so what I wanna know is: Who’s listening to Chiaki’s voice mail — is it Chiaki or someone else? ’Cause you know, it’d be evilly crazy if someone else was listening, but it’d be real sweet if Chiaki was.
And then I also wanna know what they’re gonna do about it! Y’know, if
it’s someone evil, they could totally use this against Zenki. But if it’s
Chiaki, then she could go over to Zenki in the middle of the night while
he’s sleeping, and then unzip his pants or whatever, and then wet her lips
with her tongue, and then lean in and su—— *SMASH* *OOOOWWWW!!!!!*
*Beep*
... Are you the one Taisa’s been calling? I’ve got just three
words for you:
CALL. HER. BACK.
Slade’s in the Teknoman, ready to whoop someone’s ass at the snap of
my fingers.
*Beep*
I snuck out! Tee-hee! Tee-hee! I’M FREE! FREE!!! B-chan may be able to hide her new cauldron, but she can’t hide every phone in the world from me!! I’m at a pay phone now, and I haven’t got much money left. I’ll stand by this phone as long as I have to, though. Here’s the number to call me back at:
—Please insert 50 cents to remain connected—
Oh, crap! Gotta be fast, it’s—
—This call has been disconnected—
*Beep*
Hi, it’s me again. Taisa’s been missing for several hours. Normally,
this wouldn’t concern me, but she seemed particularly on edge right before
she left. Something about “voice mail” and “demon phone sex”...? Anyway,
if she’s with you, please have her call me or just send her home.
*Beep*
I got it... I got 50 more cents! I had to beg for a while — bastards are really stingy around here. Now please pick up... Pick up and tell me about “Voice Mail!” PLEASE!! PLEASE PICK UP THE PHONE!!!
—Please insert 50 cents to remain connected—
FREAKING PAY PHONE NAZIS!! NO PHONE CALL IS LIMITED TO 10 SECONDS FOR 50 DAMNED CENTS!—
—This call has been disconnected—
*Beep*
I had to rob a homeless man this time, but I’ve got the money again. Now, about “Voice Mail”—
—Please insert 50 cents to remain connected—
WHAT THE F—?!??!
—This call has been disconnected—
*Beep*
Gotta be quick this time! The number here is—
—Please insert 50 cents to remain connected—
8—
—This call has been disconnected—
*Beep*
8—!!
—Please insert 50 cents to remain connected—
1—!!!
—This call has been disconnected—
*Beep*
Hi, B-chan here. I called you a couple times yesterday.
Taisa may have tried to call you. Apparently, Zenki talked to his friend
Inugami, who seems to have “connections” at the telephone operator’s, and
they’ve been making it impossible for her to make pay phone calls. If she
calls again, it ought to go through, and if you talk to her, tell her I’ve
caught Inugami, but Zenki’s still on the loose somewhere.
*Beep*
*whispering*
I stole a cell phone. Don’t tell anyone. I don’t know the number for
it, so I’ll just keep calling periodically, and you can pick up any time
you hear me, k?
I’ve got an idea for “Voice Mail!” Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, it
was just the CAT who stepped on the play message button? Huh? HUH??!?!
And then — and THEN — the cat steps on the delete button!!! YAH??!?! WHACHA
THINK???? I’ll call back soon. Wait for me, ’cause I’ve been waiting for
you!
*Beep*
Ooh! Or how about this!! Chiaki’s doin’ steamy demon sex things with
her latest enemy-turned-lover, and their playful bodies just bumped into
the voice mail button thing! Yah? That’s likely, right?? Think about it,
k? Okay, I’ll call again a little later!
*Beep*
There definitely ought to be some kind of sexin’ goin’ on for somebody.
Yah. Or at least someone naked. ............ It’s kind of cold out here.
I hope you’ll pick up soon.
*Beep*
.......................................... (silent pause) .....................................
Are you there?
*Beep*
I’M ON THE RUN!! I’M OUT OF PLACES TO GO!!
THEY GOT INUGAMI!!! YOU’VE GOT TO HELP ME!!! HIDE ME!
I’m coming over right now — it’ll mean violent torture if A or B catch
me!!
*Beep*
......... It’s really cold out here. And I’m starting to smell a little funny. I haven’t had a bath for a couple days. Y’know, I think I’ll just come over to your place. You won’t mind if I just turn on your computer and go through all your files, right? I know there’s a bunch of pictures and stories I haven’t seen yet.
Hey, is there like an incomplete second chapter of “Voice Mail” on there?? Something more for me to read??!?! SOME THING THAT WILL TELL ME HOW IT ENDS????
...... So, yah, I’ll be over in a bit.
*Beep*
Hey, Taisa’s friend again. I just got the number for your home answering machine. Just in case your voice mail is broken or something, I figured I should call here, too. It’s amazing what kinds of things Inugami knows... and how much better his “memory” gets when he’s tortured.
Here’s the quicky home-answering-machine version of everything that’s on your voice mail:
Taisa is hung up on something you wrote called “Voice Mail.” She started talking dirty into your voice mail, so I took her cell phone away from her. She ran away and apparently tried to call you via pay phone, but Zenki got Inugami to keep disconnecting her.
Right now, Inugami’s passed out from the pain, Zenki is on the lam, and I’m concerned about Taisa... it’s cold out, and I know how she gets when she hasn’t bathed for a few days — the fumes are toxic. Stay away from her unless you’ve got some of that spritzy smelly bathy body spray to spray her with.
Call back if you hear anything from either of them.
*Beep*
............ Oh. My. God.
I am SO sorry!
I can’t even begin to explain what happened...
....... It’s just... I was there... and Zenki was there... and B-chan left that message...
Send us the cleaning bill.
I’ll make sure Zenki pays it as soon as he re-grows that leg.
(Do let us know if you find it!)
*Beep*
And when you send that bill, send the next chapter of “Voice Mail” with
it.
*Beep*
Hey, Taisa just showed me the first chapter of “Voice Mail!”
Me and Slade can hardly wait for more!!.........
*Beep!*